So the tax ‘rebates’ are going out sooner than planned. Qualifying folks whose Social Security numbers end in 00 - 20 should be seeing their stimulus payments in their bank accounts this week.

The IRS said all checks for those who filed tax returns on time are scheduled to be deposited or mailed by July 11. The direct deposits and the paper checks are being processed by the last two digits of a taxpayers’ Social Security number.

For people receiving direct deposits, those with a Social Security number ending in 00 to 20 will have their economic stimulus payment deposited to their bank account by May 2.

Those with Social Security numbers ending in 21 to 75 will get their direct deposits by May 9 and those with Social Security numbers ending in 76 to 99 getting their deposits by May 16.

If you’re not sure if you qualify for the stimulus payments, here’s a handy dandy little calculator that will tell you if you qualify, and how much you’ll be stimulated if you do.

I will not be stimulated today. I will not be stimulated on May 9 or May 16. I will not be stimulated with my green eggs and ham Sam-I-am.

This should upset me. But it doesn’t. I’m used to giving more than half my pie to government only to be told to continue to bend over and grab my ankles so they can take even more.

This one’s for the gentlemen.

When your wife goes out of town with the kid for a few days and you’re left all alone… make sure the house isn’t in worse shape when she returns than it was when she left. Otherwise she can’t be held responsible for the things that come flying out of her mouth. Or in my case, things that come flying out of my throwing arm.

You’ll thank me for this one.

This has been a Raising Farrahzona public service announcement.

Hey Hippies - are you thinking about buying a Toyota Prius or a Lexus RX 400h? If you want the full Federal tax credit you’d better do so before October 1. After that, the credit is slashed in half and completely eliminated next year.

Congress was very serious about hybrid vehicle production and the reduction of greenhouse gases, so they limited the credit to the first 60,000 vehicles sold by the manufacturer. (said with rolling eyes and sarcasm dripping from my voice)

If you’re the 60,001 person to purchase a Prius, you’re SOL my friend. So put down your protest signs, unchain yourself from those trees and head to the local Toyota dealership.

This has been a Raising Farrahzona Public Service Announcement.